The Human toll of war and the military

When I was 17 I was full of the notion of serving god and country. I had a family history of military service, my Mother and Uncle where both Air Force veterans and I felt the call to serve but I wanted to do something different. Growing up Top Gun was one of my favorite movies and I loved things later like band of brothers and Pacific, I had visions of glory, accolades all kinds of what later turned out to be nonsense.

Fast forward a bit, I got out of the navy in early 2006 a full blown drunk and drug addict to cope with the things I saw during deployments. Before I got sober in late 2006 I was violent, belligerent and barely slept because of horrific dreams. I through a legal intersession sobered up and have come a hell of a long way in the last 13 years. Im married, recently became a dad but ill never be able to take my daughter to see fireworks. I haven’t raised a hand on anyone or anything in malice in many years but I still have trouble controlling my temper. Ptsd doesn’t define me anymore but it is still very much a part of me. Continued therapy helps a great deal, the support I get from my wife and family and friends carries me but there is still an emotional toll I pay everyday of my life thanks to my time in the military. I cant sleep without being medicated and a good portion of the time im afraid to sleep. My biological family as damaged as they are wrote me off a long time ago because of my demons and the wreckage they caused.

To conclude this brief piece, if any active duty military comes across this, there is no shame in getting help, don’t follow my footsteps and try and drink and drug it away. Same to any struggling vets, get help, there’s a lot more then the va out there, life is worth living and you are worth saving